Sunday, October 19, 2008

Broken Silence: NaNoWriMo 2008

National Novel Writing Month, lovingly called NaNoWriMo is in November, so in the true taste of a writer who has officially lost her mind, I am going to write a teen realistic novel. =)

Broken Silence is the story of Brigitta, a fifteen-year-old trying to overcome fear and anger related to childhood sexual abuse. She's never been able to trust people much--especially guys, and understandably so. Well, Jake is the kind of guy who doesn't seem to mind a jumpy, over-sensitive, analytical girlfriend, so he keeps offering a relationship to Bri. But even that gets complicated when she makes the decision that will affect the rest of her life: breaking her silence about the abuse. And if her world crashes at her feet...who will be there to catch her?

I love this book. I love this project. First, because it's my story, and that of so many of my friends. But also because it's a subject no one wants to talk about. And I think that's a horrible mistake. I hope to write a clean, inspiration, but brutally honest book for the mainstream teen market that will make people stop and think.

For more updates on my novel, please visit:
My website:
My NaNo page:

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Self-Injury Epidemic

Thirteen movie clips: The Last Night by Skillet

I was browsing through, when I found this terrifyingly real and gripping collection of clips from the movie, "Thirteen", a shocking look at teen pop culture.

What a heartbreaking, yet compelling wake-up call to our generation. I've heard a lot of bad things about the film, but all from people criticizing the language, sexuality, and deviant behaviors shown on-screen, including cutting.

However, Christians and unbelievers alike should go see this movie, if nothing else but to realize that our teens are hurting. Are we supposed to ignore what happens in the darkest parts of adolescents' souls? Why is it so bad to show a girl cutting herself with a razor blade?

I am no stranger to self-injury. I was a self-injurer for many years. I dabbled in all sorts of behaviors, including cutting, and I was a Christian the whole time. In my youth work, I've found so many middle and high school students who have tried SI, and those numbers will continue to rise, unless we do something about it.

Don't understand why a teen would want to cut their skin? Go watch the movie. Go look at pictures on google. Go see a few homemade music videos on youtube by typing in "self-injury awareness".

I am convinced that just reading about it isn't going to be enough for the church and society. Until you see it. See their pain. Watch their tears. See their won't be able to feel their pain.

Do it for your children. For your students. For every teen in the world who feels that no one cares

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Diary of Teen Angst

Fall 2007

“It’s not fair, God!”

I was once again complaining to God.

“Why did You put the dream to be a youth leader on my heart all year, lead me to believe it would happen, and then rip it away from me in the form of ‘a new rule for the best of the ministry’???”

I was wailing now.

“Why? I demand to know why.”

No one to dry the tears.
No one to soothe the ache.
No one to fill the void.

“Are You even there anymore?”

I’m always here.

“Hah. Hang on a minute. Then please explain why nothing good ever happens to me. Where were You:

the 5 plus years he did the unspeakable.
the 3 years she lay hovering between life and death.
the 13 years of social shunning.
the 16 years of fear.
the 16 years of loneliness.
the 5 years of depression.
the 3 years of stomach pain.
the 2 years of severe anxiety and panic attacks.
the nights I cry myself to sleep.
the days they ignore my existance.
the night I picked up the blade.
the hopelessness.
the nights I’ve wanted to swallow the bottle of pills.

Where were You???”

I was there.
Protecting you from being treated worse.
Giving her strength to survive.
Being your only friend.
Holding your hand.
Standing beside you.
Comforting your heart.
Building your tolerance.
Bringing people to stay with you and calm you down.
Singing you to sleep.
Teaching you independence.
Letting you learn to understand.
Planning your purpose.
Saving your life.

“Oh. Well. It didn’t feel like You were there...”

I know. I know it hurt

“But what am I supposed to do now?
You take all my friends. Rip them away.
Take away my ministry.
My dream
My life."


It’s not meant against you. It’s for the best. I promise. I have something better in mind.

“Like what, Lord?”

A more focused, personal ministry.
I’m teaching you patience, love, perserverence.
Find yourself, focus on Me first.
Adore me, and it will fall into place.

“But I wanted it so badly!”

I know.
But you’re not ready.
You need to grow.
Clean out your closet.
All the stuff you’ve been storing too long and it’s starting to weigh on your heart.
You need to work through it.
Learn some life skills. Gain confidence. Self-esteem. Trust. God-esteem.
Learn that your life isn’t measured alone by what you do. But rather who you are.

The tears still came.
The ache was still there.
The void didn't disappeared.

But my life? It was intact.
The ups and downs of chemical imbalances? Most definitely present.
My passion? Accounted for. It never faded... only grew.


It’s just a challenge. A bump in the road, so to speak.

During trials, take a look at your faith. Is it stronger than ever?

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Even in the Darkness, the Night shall be Light around You

One of my favorite quotes momentarily is "every shadow is evidence of sun". I'm pretty sure it's from a song, but I can't recall which one at the moment. 

Personal events have recently driven me to the feet of my Savior, calling for wisdom and strength that I do not have. I'm not sure why I doubt His grace, but I've come to find out that He really does care (of course). =]

Troubled times come, and someday, they'll go. Then they'll come back, and eventually they'll pass on. I'm no stranger to struggles, but I always get spoiled in the good times. 

I recently was confiding in a close friend and she told me that the strength I'm gaining out of these troubles is obvious. Never had I thought about what I was gaining in the darkness, only what I was losing.

In the end, I keep believing, trusting, and knowing that God will see me through. I know the sun is behind the clouds!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Soul Sufficiency

You carry me
when I've lost
all my strength
when I've given up
You prove to me
You are my soul's 

by Laura N. Farrar

Published in:
Teenlight, Summer 2005
Encounter, September 24, 2006