Lies, Lies, Everywhere.

Society does a big injustice to young people, and women of all ages. It's what I call the Cover-Up Lie. Some days I still fight to reject it, but overall, I'm getting better at recognizing the untruth and rejecting it.

I'm speaking from a girls' perspective, so here's the deal. From a young age, girls are told what to look like, what to wear, how to act and how to please. We learn that pink is a norm and black is a no-no. We learn that dolls are acceptable, but fire trucks are not. We learn that the toy stores are split right down the middle--one side of the store is pink, and the other blue. We learn from princess stories and fairy tales that we are to be dainty, delicate and fall into the arms of Prince Charming, who will one day come into our lives and sweep us off our feet.

We are spoiled into thinking that there is an effortless happily ever after if only we'll let ourselves be rescued. You can see it in the dress-up clothes, the make-up salon sets for three year olds and the cell phones six year olds carry around. It's in the core of the Bratz dolls and Barbie's unhealthy and unrealistic proportions. As plastic surgery and cosmetic sales shoot higher each year for younger and younger girls, it's apparent that society's view of beauty is very different from what God's.

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" - Psalm 139:14

The problems started in Genesis and ever since Eve was lied to, we've been in a destructive pattern. See, people speak from the lies they have been told and believe about themselves. So if a parent tells a child they are worthless, that child grows up believing that and ends up telling their child they are worthless and so on. This makes a lot of sense, especially when insecurities are present. Women have been told by parents, peers, advertisements and society in general that they are not beautiful until they plaster their face in make-up. And even when we know this isn't the truth, it's still hard to fight off.

Insecurities are where Satan slips in and starts whispering lies, and because we often believe it's ourselves talking, we agree with the lies.

I'm not good enough.
I'm not very pretty.
I'm not like her.
I'll never amount to anything.

Every time we agree with the enemy, we're giving him more power to infiltrate our lives. Instead of going along with the lies, we have to learn to recognize them and fight back with God's truth. Pray what the Bible says about your situation.

"But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" - James 1:4

When we talk to our heart and fuel our lives with God's truth, we take the power out of the enemy's hands and willingly align ourselves with God's will. Only there will His power shine through us and we'll find freedom. The battle for truth is difficult, but it's what creates an inner beauty that radiates to everyone around you.

Hidden Years

Most people have heard the quote "All of life is a stage" and to a certain degree, it's true. But what we tend to forget is that in everyone's life there is a phenomenon called Hidden Years. They are the days, months and even years when we aren't being seen and praised for our accomplishments and talents. The times when we work behind the scene without recognition, and the times when we are growing and stretching beyond our wildest dreams.

God has a special plan for hidden years. I came to understand this after looking back at my teen years when I was hidden away from society, deeply in pain, yet growing in my knowledge of Christ. I didn't understand at the time what was occurring or why nothing made sense. I wrestled endlessly with God, asking why He had allowed the pain to happen and why I was so lonely and unable to connect with people.

The answer was so simplistic, and to this day I still marvel at it. I hid you away so that you would later be seen better. I silenced your voice so that later you would be heard louder. I allowed depression so that later, you could feel true joy. You didn't talk then, so that you would have something to talk about now.

Wow. But it's true. Because I was so quiet as a child, the fact that I am now a speaker and able to socialize makes my story that much more powerful. I have had countless conversations with others who have or are struggling with social anxiety and am able to connect on an empathetic level. I have been blown away by God's mercy and the fact that, while I don't control my life--He does. And He happens to know what's best for me!

"You are complete in Him" - Colossians 2:10

I tend to get caught up in the details of life--the faults, the failures, the tiny imperfections that each one of us has. All the while, missing the greatest joy--the big picture of saving grace that makes us whole.

Embrace the fact that God has a plan far beyond what you can see today and you'll find beauty you never dreamed existed!

Just Like Mary

"Then the angel said to her, 'Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God." (Luke 1:30)

I feel a special connection with Mary.

She was young and given a blind command to take the humble position of a vessel for world changing.

"I am waiting in a silent prayer. I am frightened by the load I bear."

I can understand how she felt.

"In a world as cold as stone, must I walk this path alone? Be with me now."

While my experience is vastly different than a young woman given the task of raising the Son of God, I have been given a task that requires my life and unknown sacrifices along the way. I too feel like an unworthy, frightened girl who isn't quite sure what to do. The fear and sheer weight of moving forward at lightening speed into a future that people frowned upon are not strange realities to me either.

"Do you wonder, as you watch my face, if a wiser one should have had my place? But I offer all I am, for the mercy of Your plan. Help me be strong."

The task before me incorporates twenty-two years of experiences, both positive and negative that vary from a lot of people's my age. The trials have been many, and often I found myself asking "Why, God? Why me?" But the answer would remain the same. I made you different--I am preparing you for things that are so much more than you could ever plan.

As painful as it is, I regret very little about my past, because every shattered piece of glass on the floor was one more experience I can now relate to.

The task is overwhelming for two young women (my amazing business partner and I) as we set out to change the world by shining the light of hope in the Bay Area. It is a daunting thing to reach our hands out into the darkness and offer a lifeline to drowning teens around us.

It is easy to feel unprepared, inexperienced and thoroughly not ready for such a huge weight upon us. But God isn't giving us the option to say no. He called us to a monumental task, and we have no choice but to go forward. I keep asking why I have been chosen to be a part of this great plan. Why not someone older, stronger, more outgoing and virtuous than me? Wouldn't they be better for such a job?

But regardless of my doubts, I keep researching, dreaming, and taking steps forward. I am not perfect, nor the ideal example of humility, but for some reason, God saw fit to place me in this role.

I was chosen for such a time as this.

Our time is now. His time is now. Change is coming, and though I so often question if I'm the right girl for such a job, He hasn't taken back the call. That is not the change. The change lies within my heart, as I seek God's comfort and strength and set out on a journey into the treacherous unknown. It will be difficult. It won't be safe. But that's the part that keeps us seeking and searching for wisdom and truth. That's where the success is found--in being wholeheartedly willing to be the vessel, and dedicated to following the call, even when it is desperately beyond our human understanding.

Lyrics from "Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song)" by Amy Grant

Waiting Out the Pain

I woke up this morning to a shooting pain that I can do nothing about. Every couple of months this happens as an accompaniment to my chronic illness. Again I found myself whining to God, Why does this happen to me? Why now? I am already too stressed this week, I don't need THIS! I can't do this!

Nothing.

Eventually I grew tired of whining and started asking better questions. Okay, fine. Why is this pain here now? What purpose does it hold in my life right now? What do you want to teach me through this?

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."(1 Thessalonians 5:18)

"For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:11-13)

God is a patient parent, but He does not reward whining. He is attentive to His children's cries, but He instructs us to that fateful word: trust. He wants our complete and ultimate trust that He, the giver of all good things, has enough power to give us strength and victory.

In the meantime, my lesson is to accept that life is full of setbacks, challenges and disappointments, but if I take His hand and believe deliverance is on the other side, the wait through the pain is more than worth it.

This week is my test. Who will I put my faith in? Myself? Medicine? Or the God who wants so much more for me than what I've settled for?

The Deafening Silence

Meredith Andrews has a song called "Can Anybody Hear Me?" and some days I just put that song on replay and cry.

Do you know what it's like to never be heard?

I do.

I also know what it's like to be heard, and it's an amazing feeling. But for the most part, silence surrounds me.

Maybe you've been there. You're quiet, socially anxious and fearful of people's judgments. It's a valid concern--the world is full of harsh critics eager to rip your faith and innocent hope away. However, there are a lot of gentle, caring people in the world too. The sad thing about this all is that we who are quiet usually have a hardened view of reality/society and assume that everyone is out to hurt us, so we put up the walls, lock ourselves away and throw away the key--all in the name of protection.

While it is momentary protection, the walls eventually grow stronger with time and soon they are solid brick. At that point, it's really hard to break them down. Has anyone had to get out the jackhammer to get through your barriers? Yeah, I know that feeling too. =)

"I know You're here with me, I just need the faith to see. Nothing can separate me from Your love"

On the opposite spectrum of walls is open pastures. These aren't necessarily good either, because we can easily let in people who can, and probably will, hurt us. So where's the balance?

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" - Proverbs 4:23

Guarding your heart is not putting up 10 foot walls, or letting people walk right in. It is healthy boundaries, recognizing the signals you're giving others, thinking with your brain and not your heart, and keeping in constant communication with God. Our first mistake happens when we do a two-minute devotional each day and leave it at that. I'm starting to recognize the wisdom in continual prayer and reflection--sizing myself up by God's standards and how His Word says I need to live my life.

He may feel far away, but He's still there. Calmly waiting for you to come to Him and ask for help. You may pray but hear nothing. This doesn't mean He's not listening, instead He's probably trying to get you to listen closer, to trust in Him. To believe that when He says you are a precious creation--His treasure to be exact--He is telling the truth.

It may sound silent, but try something that our culture doesn't value: Just Listen.

Lost: Depression & Suicide Prevention - what would you do to save a life?

"Why am I even alive anymore? I don't understand. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. Nothing matters anymore. I'm sick and tired of being the living dead." 10-16-07

Two years ago I lost my reason to live. I was so depressed I could barely make it through the day, and even then it was all a daze. It took over a year of treatment and therapy to even see the sunshine again. For this reason, I've committed my life to making a difference. My life verse sums it up: "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice" (Proverbs 31:8-9)

"I'm falling...drowning...locked in an emotionless closet. I can't let it out and I can't keep it in. I can't deal with the worry and stress and it's tearing my heart out." 3-7-06

The Adolescent Mental Health Initiative estimates that at least 1 in 8 teens struggle with depression. Because depression often leads to suicidal thoughts, it is understandable that 90% of people who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of death. Furthermore, suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for ages 15-24 and the 5th for ages 5-14 year olds. Regardless of age, in the U.S. someone dies by suicide every 16 minutes, but an attempt is made every minute (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention).

The reasons behind depression and suicidal feelings are complicated and vary for each person. But the fact is, it hurts. We feel extremely guilty, hopeless, worthless, anxious, isolated, lonely and very very alone. We feel these mostly because of past circumstances or chemical imbalances, but also partly because most people don't understand or show they care.

While none of us have the power to actually save someone's life, we do have the ability to help people find hope again. First, you can do some simple things: talk, listen, hug, and love those who are hurting. You can get down to their level, understand, encourage and pour into their lives. You can watch for suicide warning signs: making a plan, giving away possessions, changes in behavior, slipping grades, increased self-medicating, etc. and listen when you hear or see them. Coming alongside someone who's hurting--helping them reach out to professionals and get on the path to healing is the most important thing you could ever do.

Resources: http://www.twloha.org/ (To Write Love On Her Arms)
http://www.yspp.org/ (Youth Suicide Prevention Program)
1-800-SUICIDE (National Suicide Prevention Hotline)

Remember, you are not alone. <3

The Walls Are Coming Down

"Oh, no, my walls are going to break, so close it's more than I can take. I'm so tired of turning and running away when love just isn't safe." - Britt Nicole "Safe"

You're been hurt. People may have abused, ridiculed, bullied, manipulated, or trapped you. You probably feel like it's not safe to love and you have every right to feel that way.

The stats are currently that 1 in 3 girls will be abused by age 18 and the chances of abuse during a lifetime is 1 in 2. For young men the stats are about 1 in 6 being abused before 18 years old.

These are gloomy statistics and there seems so little we can do. I can attest to this fact because as a survivor of childhood abuse, I am a part of that statistic and nearly every doom-ful statement about abuse victims, self-injury, suicide, depression and all the rest.

Every memory has eaten away at my heart, burning away the joy and hope--replacing them with bitterness, anger and hatred. I'd give anything to be whole again.

Do you know what it's like to never be heard?

Do you know what it's like to literally feel the pain as your body wastes away and your soul dies?

That's what every abuse victim feels.

The world is hopeless and black and there is no light. Happiness is acidic and nothing is worth it.

We lose ourselves, our passions, our hopes and dreams. We cry all the time or can't cry at all. We assume that it's our fault we're being/been hurt and expect it to happen again. We're stuck in a horrible pattern of abusive relationships that we can't seem to escape. Why? Because it's easier to stay where you're comfortable--stick with the norm, and that is usually with guys or girls who take advantage of us.


Lost and alone, life as it should be ceases to exist.

Chances are you've been there or know someone close to you who has. Empty promises, endless battles and countless tears later, you're left with shards of glass slipping through your fingers representing the leftovers from your life.

Thankfully through it all, I am more than a statistic. There was a time when I was defined by the pain, but my soul has been resurrected with new life. I am not over the hurt, but I am recovering. I am healing and accepting God's healing love every day.

"Those damaged goods you see in your reflection, love sees them differently, love sees perfection... You're not the worthless they made you feel, there is a love they can never steal away." - Matthew West "Broken Girl"

It's hard to trust after everything has been ripped from you. It's a challenge to let God take control of your life once all the control has been taken from you. But, please hear me when I say there is hope. It can seem so dark, but there is a light in the distance.

I have watched so many people take the first step from darkness to hope, and it is a beautiful thing. It starts with a very simple thing: breaking your silence. If you are a victim of any kind of abuse, I encourage you to speak up. Tell your story. It's an amazing thing, but every time you tell your story, the abuse loses some of it's power. The more you talk, the less it hurts. It's your story to share, and it will make a difference.

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God" - Isaiah 43

The world may seem really dark right now. Trust could be a foreign word. But I promise you this, if you take the first small step of faith, you will begin the journey to freedom and wholeness. You don't have to believe it will happen, just know that it won't be like this forever.